Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.	
	Benjamin Franklin 
	 
	
	I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating. In fourteen 
	days, I lost exactly two weeks.	
	Joe E. Lewis 
	 
	
	I have enough money to last me the rest of my life ........unless 
	I buy something. 	
	Jackie Mason 
	 
	
	It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I 
	have been searching for evidence which could support this.	
	Bertrand Russell 
	 
	
	If your phone has been disconnected for any reason, call now.	
	Erik Estrada, in a commercial for Smoke Signals telephone service. 
	
	
	I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.	
	Sam Kinison 
	
	
	The amount of sleep required by the average person is about 
	five minutes more. 	
	Wilson Misner 
	
	
	Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some 
	men should be happier than others.	
	Oscar Wild 
	
	
	A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love. 
	Just ask yourself this one question: Would I mind being 
	financially destroyed by this person?
	Ronnie Shakes 
	
	
	I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep 
	his house.	
	Zsa Zsa Gabor 
	
	
	Recently I performed at an animal rights barbecue.	
	Adam  Christing
	
	When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 
	When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, 
	we go to heaven - Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven.
	Brian O'Rourke